School ends but that doesn't mean that our realtionships have to end.

As I sit in the living room waiting around to go take my Education final, I have been reflecting on this past semester. Although it wasn't quite successful in the grade department as I had hoped it would have been, I believe this semester was full of success. I met some amazing young women, who have changed my life and whom I will be friends with forever. They became my family and it has been very hard trying to accept that I won't see them until the beginning of October. While I am very excited for my study abroad, I wish I could take them with me. I don't have an older sibling, and Rebecca and Katie have stepped in and taken the position of older sister in my life. I have also come to terms with the fact that yes, Sydney, you do struggle with depression and anxiety, and that is fine. I have learned how to control is and keep it in check most of the time. I have also put myself out there more this semester. I went to things and met new people. For heavens sake I am going on a study abroad!

I am all packed a ready for my white glove cleaning check. I really hope that goes smoothly. Because then I can leave and Anna, Erica and I can hit the road and head home. I have come to love Rexburg even more. I really love the Spring Semester other than the fact that it goes into July. I am looking into getting a job here and staying through the winter semester. I will have to discuss that with my parents, but I think it could be a good thing. We'll just have to see.

This 7 week break is going to be so busy for me! I have to unpack, just to repack for school and pack for my trip, I have a ton of family events that I am going to and on top of all that, I have to complete all my study abroad homework, as well as working. I may have to reduce the days that I can work, mainly that would be I can't work weekends. So I can get all that homework done.

I am also trying to sell my Spring contract at Hillcrest so I can move in with my friends from 310. I really want that to work out, but if it doesn't I guess that is fine.

Well I should probably study a bit for my final, although it's more of a class evaluation than a final.

It's been a fantastic Spring semester and I can't wait to come back!

Sydney

Money, and Finals, and Worries oh my!

When you have anxiety issues, worrying is something you should avoid doing. However, I am a worrier. That's just how Heavenly Father made me, to quote my little sister Kacey. I have started having doubts on whether I will be successful at teaching. I love English and I love teaching it to people, but I have doubts that I will actually be able to teach high school students.

I started this semester out with less money than I did in the Fall. I wasn't too worried about it, but I wasn't as frugal this semester as I should have been. I just worry that I won't be able to pay for the things that I have to pay for. And recently I found a ring that I want to buy my mom. When I turned 11 she gave me a ring her parents had given her when she turned 16. And guess what I did with it, I lost it. My parents replaced it with a simliar one that next Christmas, and I bawled my eyes out because I still felt so badly, I still do to this day. However today I found a ring that looks almost exactly like it. The diamond may be a bit bigger, but when is that ever a problem?! ;) The only problem I have, is that it costs more money than I have at the moment. I really want to get this ring, if not to give it back to my Mom, then to appease my guilty conscience.

On top of all of this I have to worry about finals. The only one that is really causing me stress is my Education final. I have to go into class and take it. On Monday. At noon. I check out of my apartment to leave at one. So with that I have to have the kitchen all cleaned and ready to be white gloved, with all my stuff out and packed in my car, and finish a final within like 3 hours that afternoon. I'm just really stressed out and wishing that I hadn't taken 17 credits, but I can do this. I know I can, I wasn't sorted into Ravenclaw for nothing!

Oh and I am trying to sell my spring 2014 contract at Hillcrest Townhouses so I can move back to Birch and live with my lovely friends that I basically live with anyway.

I will try to go to sleep now, however difficult that may be.

Sydney 

A bit of hard work and a lot of dreaming.

HELLLLO FINALS WEEK!

This week is going to be a living nightmare between homework, classes, packing, and finals. I also have all of my study abroad homework to complete before September 11th! I recently was pondering on my future and career choices. I still want to teach, but my dream job would be a travel writer or travel blogger. So in hopes of semi-fulfilling my dream I have started a travel blog

http://wanderlust-by-abstractlysydney.blogspot.com/

It will include all of my adventures from my study abroad trips in Germany and England/Ireland to Seattle and West Yellowstone. I hope that it goes well. As always a goal is to gain followers, but at the moment I just want to write. I want to travel. I want to experience other cultures, and the different ways of living. I want to find a bookstore hidden in a corner of an alley in France, and a cafe in Amsterdam, and a Gelato shop in Italy, and a plethora of art museums and hostels, and little shops and flower shops, and local grocery markets, and fresh fruit stands and soft, silky beaches.

I was given a taste of the world and I crave more my every waking moment. I want to experience life. I feel like there is no way to describe how traveling changes you, at least mot in any language that I know of.  It's like a piece of your soul is missing and when you venture out into the world you gain bits and pieces of that missing part back. It's like a tapestry that only has one color until you experience adventure. 

But alas at the moment I am participating in an educational adventure and it is coming to a close, so I need to study and sleep as much as I can! So it's off to bed for this young lady.

I'll be counting sheep, will you?
Sydney

There's no Place like Home.

I am back in Wenatchee! But sadly only for a short time. I will leave Sunday afternoon! I totally surprised my parents thanks to the help of Michael Sauer! He called my house and asked if he could come say hello, and I showed up! I rode back from Rexburg with Brian Nygard and Anna and Erica! We met Brian's fiance! She is super nice and very cute! I am so glad that I am home! I love my family and friends here so much! I am grateful that the semester is almost finished and then I can come home for a longer period of time, before I leave for my study abroad! :) I believe we are set to go boating tomorrow! YAY!!!! I am sleeping in my own bed and it feels like a cloud compared to my bed in the apartment! Plus my bed at home has a kitty sleeping on it! :) Even though my body's used to it being 1 AM, I'm not that tired at all... But I am going to end this post now!

Sydney

After deciding I like my face, this happens.

Oh. My. Heavens. I have another reason to HATE Idaho summers. I have been cursed with several cold sores. I don't think it's ever been this bad. I have a total of five. You read that right, FIVE COLD SORES!!!! Three on my upper lip. One on my lower lip and a HUGE one on my left cheek. And they hurt so much! The swelling is horrible, I can barely talk it hurts so badly. To top of my insecurities, it seems like mother nature is even out to destroy me. I don't even know why I get them! My parents don't get them, so how the heck did I get the stupid virus! And none of the medication that is out there seems to work for me. I just want them to GO AWAY! I would be fine with one little one on the corner of my mouth, a normal cold sore, but oh no! When I get them it's like leprosy, once one is there, more come. I just want my face to be normal. Is that too much to ask?! What did I ever do to deserve this horrid thing? I don't want to go to class because their so bad. I have to wear my old glasses, because my new ones go too far down on my face and rub against the swollen cheek. I hate this. Gosh I wish I could just sleep for the next week of my life, or at least until they disappear from my face.

Self Worth and the Person I see in the Mirror.

Lately I've been struggling with liking the way I look. I've always struggled with what my face looks like. I'm not the typical "pretty girl". I'm not tall and skinny, nor blonde and tan. Coming to BYU-I hasn't really helped with that because I see all these gorgeous people with wonderful comments in class, and they seem to have a rock solid testimony. Last semester I actually was doubting if Heavenly Father loved me. And I know that that was extremely silly of me, but self worth has always been something that I lacked. It stems from having friends that always got attetion from boys, while I was used as the butt of the jokes for the group. In eighth grade I finally had enough and decided that I didn't care what they thought of me. Now that I am in the stage of my life, where getting dates kinda depends on what your face looks like, that insecurity hit me like a brick wall. One day I was looking in the mirror and said, "Sydney, you are pretty. You have a wonderful personality, you are a great friend, you are fun, you have a strong testimony, you are a daughter of a King." I no longer struggle as much with my aesthetic appearance, but recently I have really struggled with how my body looks. I'm not tall. I'm actually quite short. And I have curves. They were something I craved in middle school and now I hate them. I'm very envious of those girls that have those skinny, toned bodies. I work out and I eat well. I just can't seem to drop the weight that I gained after my Junior year. I was at a constant weight of 115 pounds. The heaviest I got what probably around 135 pounds. Currently I'm stuck at 125 pounds. Technically it's a healthy weight, but I HATE the way my body looks.

I was listening to the Hairspray soundtrack while doing homework tonight and the lyrics "Tracy I'm in love with you no matter what you weigh" and "You can't stop my happiness because I like the way I am" stuck with me. I need to be easier on myself. I can't help feeling that (and I know that this is stupid) the reason that boys don't pay me any attention is because of how I look.

Some good news in my life, my counselor said that she thinks I don't need to come in anymore this semester! I've got my anxiety and depression under control for now! And that feels wonderful! I just need to get over my worries about appearances

I really do love who I am, and my family loves me the way I am and I know that Heavenly Father loves me and that is all that matters at the moment.



Sydney