My shot at a vlog...

Hey you guys!
One of my new years resolutions was to have a new hobby, so I'm trying my hand at vlogging. we'll see how it goes... here is a link to my very first vlog. Help me with what I should talk about please! Thanks!
 
Intro to vlogging

Sydney

A little ray of sunshine...

And gore! Let me explain before you call the police. I watched Supernatural today! We are on to season TWOOOO!!!!!!

Today was actually quite good. Other than finding out that assignment that took my three hours to do was the wrong one, everything was ok. Devotional today was amazing and I really needed it today. I am on the waiting list for a counseling appointment at the student healthcare center. And Rebecca and Katie came over to see how I was doing, and then we went back to our home (their apartment is basically my home now. I'm there more than I'm in my own apartment and come this weekend I will have slept there for like 3 or 4 nights) and Katie made me a delicious grilled cheese sandwich, we watched Supernatural (SEASON TWOOOOO) and played Cards Against Humanity, as well as doing homework.

I finished writing my research paper on censorship. Well the draft at least. I know there is stuff I want to add and some stuff I want to fix, but I need to have a "complete" copy for class tomorrow.

Life is okay. I know that there will be more bad days. I just hope they aren't all in a row.

Sydney

Frustrating.

The more I've learned about SAD, the more frustrated I become with it. I don't want to be this way. In my last post where I talked about it, I realized it was the first time I've actually told people that I have it. A mental illness is not something you want people to know you have. People don't believe you. Especially if you are me and you tell someone you have a form of depression. They say, "But you're always so happy!" or "How? You're always smiling." It's extremely frustrating. One of the symptoms is having difficulty concentrating. That has become extremely prevalent in my life at the moment, which sucks majorly because school work is my life right now, and I can't concentrate on it, that leads to bad things. I've been trying to do ONE education assignment for nearly three hours now. I just lose focus and can't get it back. I just don't know what to do anymore. I want this to just go away.

I'm going to try to finish my assignment,  I only have two more pages.

Sydney

Wishful wantings...

As I sit on my raised bed (thank you cinder blocks) and drink some mint tea, I can't help but look at my life and wonder if I should be farther along than I am. Granted I'm only 18, soon to be 19 in July, but I look at the other students here at BYU-I and wonder, should I have a significant other by now? Should I be working? Should I volunteer more? I guess though the biggest question is the whole "boyfriend" one. Although at this point in my life, with a study abroad next semester and taking 17 (that's right 17) credits, I feel like having a piece of sexy-man cake (thanks for the reference Lizzie Bennet Diaries!) in my life would only complicate things. Like what happens if when I go to London and I'm strolling down the hallway in an art museum and our eyes just meet. He will be tall and dark (think Mr, Darcy but without all the brooding), he will be outdoorsy, but also have an appreciation for the arts, he will think my obnoxiously loud laugh is endearing, and that my obsession with Harry Potter is cute. He will think I'm pretty even when we have to meet at 5 in the morning to go out to the Stonehenge. He will think that my career path is honorable, and he will listen with earnest to the wild and crazy things I have to say about mythology and how it's used in everyday entertainment, like Harry Potter, LOTR, and Marvel comics and movies. He will love watching me watch movies, because I get so invested in them. We will one day travel all of Europe, fulfilling a life-long dream of mine.

I will love that I have to stand on my tiptoes to kiss him. I will love his nerdy love for whatever it is that he loves like I love Harry Potter, I will love the bleary-eyed, mussed hair and stubbly face when we do things early in the morning. I will love that he lets me gasp and yell during movies without complaining.

Alas, we both know it's too good to be true. For he is someone made up in the head of a tired teenage girl, who is not wearing her glasses and has a sore throat for the seventh night in a row. However she does know that there is a boy out there who will fit her perfectly. She doesn't know where he is from, what his family is like, or if he even knows her  yet.

I trust that God knows us so well that he only wants what is best for us. And if I have to wait several more years to find that, I guess that is what is best. It still kinda hurts to see everyone else so happy, but I know that I am in no way prepared to be a wife yet.

Yesterday was really hard, my seasonal affective disorder flared up and I just couldn't get happy. We tried Dairy Queen, that didn't help at all, and then I went over to my friends apartment and we watched a whole range of movies, from Safe Haven to Aquamarine, and finished with The Wrath of Khan. That helped a lot, just being around people that make me laugh!

For those of you who don't know what seasonal affective disorder or SAD is I will explain. It is also called winter depression or summer depression. It is a mood disorder in which people who have normal mental health throughout most of the year experience depression in the winter of summer. In the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders it says SAD is not a unique mood disorder, but is "a specifier of major depression". They may sleep too much, have little energy, and may also feel depressed. Though symptoms can be severe, they usually clear up." The condition in the summer can include heightened anxiety.


I have it  in both the winter and the summer, the past few years have been fine, but yesterday it just hit me like a crap ton of bricks. And it sucks, because I want to be happy, but it just drains all my energy and I feel like I just can't do anything.

Any who! There my depressing rant of the week. Better news, I'm going to see The Great Gatsby next weekend! I FINALLY found someone to go with me! He is my Home Teacher( What is a Home Teacher? ) and I'm super excited to be going! Other good news, it totally rained last night! :)

Ta-ta for now!

Sydney

Abercrombie & Fitch Gets a Brand Readjustment #FitchTheHomeless

Watch this. Do this.

It's BAAAAAACKKK!!!!!!

On My Way- Teaser

Gigi D is back in our lives, so hopefully we will see some Dizzie!!!!

On My Way - Teaser

It's baaaaaaackkk!!!!! :) :) :)

Back to work...

This is my third week back at school, and I already can't wait for it to be over. Mostly so I can go on my study abroad and being living with my friends Erica and Anna again. Today we signed contracts for a housing unit called Hillcrest Townhouses. They are really nice and we have a cupboard under the stairs. You all know that we are totally going to make it a reading nook that is covered with Harry Potter themed things! My classes this semester are harder than last semester which is to be expected, I just don't like how some of my Professors run their classrooms. SIGH oh well. I am also a lot more nervous about money this semester. I have no idea how I'm going to pay for all of next semester and my study abroad, along with basic grocery needs. I'm sure I will be fine, it's just a little nerve racking. My friends and I went and saw Iron Man 3 last week! It was fantastic! I can not wait to go see The Great Gatsby! This weekend I'm going down to my Aunt Heather's house which will be super fun! I'm glad that my new phone has a GPS on it! It sure helps a lot! Well I should probably finish my proposal paper on censorship in classrooms.